waking

with a head, heavy
from consumption and seasons
changing, the air
is nearly as confused and unsure
as the people who glide through
and now beginnning to avoid

I woke this morning
in a start, wide awake
almost three hours
til that cloudy sun rises above these
rolling hill ribbons
of asphalt and steel
reminding me of where I came from

where did I go,
they say
you can't ever go home again
and last night I felt
in which words still can't grasp
the tone so overwhelming
I can't grab hold
I can't decipher
I almost weeping
and with smile on my face
an unsettled mix of love, lust
betrayal and disgust
and all these
together as I lost grasp
on my conscious world
last night
but it never left and
here I am
still, again, awake
and the sun will not rise
until it is ready
and I will not quit
until
I am ready,
for what I don't know.