the ambiguity of breath

cast aside for fear
of moving into a future
i still have to write it
right this ship
it sways and rolls until

we're floating upside down

& the water rises to the floor

where is the bottom of 

this decade has been 

nothing but adrift

my self an amalgamated

island of dying kelp avoiding

being washed ashore and food for the 

scavengers

am I bottom feeding

what sustains these efforts 

knowing the truth is 

exactly as she screams

He died today

last year

how possibly has this been

am I really here?

I don't know how to 

honor him, honor them

how much more should

how much more can 

I do anything 

right or wrong

you just have to keep going

it'll be messy

it'll be beautiful

it'll be sadder than even imagined

but only if you keep trying

keep moving

and when finally you find 

whatever soft spot 

in the heart of things

and you finally

let the walls crumble

and deep breathing

sigh

finally in that space

you are infinite

and even in the deepest 

peaceful rest and safety

the spirit moves

always