3.24.2022

10.17.2021 #3

What are these weapons we
            carry with us the inconceivable 
death accompanying life
    our weapons pointed directly
at hearts stabbing in the dark
    and bleeding on one another
because we know we can
            because we know we must
                        because we know that
times cares not for how much
            we know or love or 
                        hope.

I love unreservedly
            but I live cloistered 
in a cage of my own design
    to be at odds with each moment
        of each breath, I am
against it all and myself
            most of all
Is there peace to be had in this
            lifetime 
Can balance be found before
    acceptance can be catalyst
Can be perfect; a broken
    heart hopefully not ossified
    frozen in between beats
and unable to pump this
    life into warmth and 
sunrising moments where
feeling isn't just first but is
    only and completely and 
    trusted as I do the next 
breath will fill lungs and heart
and brain firing, mis-wired
    though it may be at times

Resonance with the abstract
    made real and running because
it is alien and unknown and 
the mis-wiring keeps clarity at
    bay keeps understanding the other
        nothing more than a wish
a hope that one day the 
    churning maybes against which 
I strain to breath may
    finally relent finally
an understanding and more
    why can't we accept ourselves
and the other's    
            expectations unmet
and the overwhelming sense 
    of nothing more than disappointment 
nothing more or less than balloon 
    bursting and kid's dreams failing
to become reality because
we live too much apart
from what actually is and 
    is not this enough to
try, to love
            may not be enough.



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