snow banks

 pink-blue—golden fading light

  of a frozen winter’s dusk

loud footstepping crunch of crystalline 

  snow gets brittle if it’s cold enough

hands turning purple and freezing

  alternating left hand, right hand

realizing too late 

i forgot

Not this place, nor how to get 

  (here’s where I should turn around)

light’s fading quicker than

  the ache in my hands suggest

This is all the further I can

  go anywhere but her(e)

(at least it’s warm there)

each body an inferno waiting

  all you have to do

Choose to use what you’ve always

  having choices means 

What if I’m wrong and I get

  loosing yourself in the shrinking dusk

a frozen smile as the last glinting 

embrace of the sun slinks

  behind that grey cloud and

below these grey-brown branches

They’re not dead

  & neither are you.

little green memories

 She doublespeaks faster than 

    slingshot across the country

    we strode on through forgotten

There are parts of this

    some sons never rise

and others, we bask in the

    eternal hope held hearts

    squeezing like a scared child

on another plane destined for

    some other time zones

    Am I running fast or 

Slowly and ebbing what remains

    nothing ever really disappears

underneath this soil is

    more soil, older and

memories held in that cold

    wet earth smell of living

        yet to be

    Acting out and growing

from the lives already given

to all of us, ghosts

Of future's passed and pasts

yet we amble toward home

    miracles are just waiting

New morning's breath

    dry and rasping, but

free in a bed of one's own

making this all up as we

    toward what oblivion

How does anyone greet death

    every day a negotiated truth

        stalemate bred of 

I know you and I

        too well we still

Hold on, I'm coming home

    soon enough but never near

enough of this hanging

    Knotted up into something 

twisting and frailly trying to

    stand up straight and embrace

That dark isn't always dark

    nor light always light

I'm carrying more than I

    can you keep this up

For how much longer must

    we prove every day that love

lasts irrationally and proudly 

    repudiating death or freedom

How near, these neighbors

Who were those lives just

    down the hall from now

something like 25 years ago

an hour south and its

 

some hearts never heal

    oh yes, they keep beating

some untrodden path sought

    so many new roads

        empty and anything but

Forlorn is a matter of perspective

Vanishing points of the other

side by side and I'm back

a newer past and

    say we just drive

a couple, thousands of 

miles into a setting sun

our orbits aligned to a future

I'm writing in time to the 

    music of another solitary

lamplight warm and reminding

    we made that together

You see colors fit together

    and my unbroken

lines drawn in unconscious

connection is what we

Others don't know

    can they even imagine

When our eyes closed the kaleidoscope 

    of this single breath of living

I am sitting here now crow's feet

    and ebbing toward a still unknown

        exactly the same as he leaping

abandoned and terrified from

rooftop to now I've forgotten

You can fly

    some survival instinct inverted

by emotion and building a home

    in a house on fire

Took my childhood

        a lonely echo of the past

still living in the beating hearts

    same now as then

But, not forever

    past only present as long

as future remains

Unwritten and possible and unprescribed

    the past a path leading anywhere

we choose left after right

The dead have no future &

as we still beating hearts & 

fear & hope & 

Whatever comes next will

    be that same boy

    leaping and frozen

a memory in the flesh

Standing as ever the imperfect

desperate for love and to be loved

    eventually only to lie

with that same earth

Welcoming the still warm

    blood pumping and occasionally 

    spilt along this

confused path toward 

An absence always

a shadow so integral 

transforming feeling into 

some indefatigable weight

some motor propulsing

in time we all know it.

 

as ever

i fill the quiet

other's words crowding out

on my own

under a shared roof

hungover and its not quite

regret

the error loops wearing their grooves

deeper into me

I've sunk as far

away from the light 

sometimes seeing better

in these shadows 

artificial contrasts

no longer distracted and 

this is where the work happens

too often asking

to what end

glitching through life

knowing truth 

and denying 

the choices I make 

a denial of the inner

thoughts I can't share with

anyone

Except. 

these empty pages

a living will 

against my own I continue

the hardest way forward 

stop

and cut that desire path

right angles and

efficient

boy, time is running out

you're the same as in the memories

all of this is you

has been you

will be you

what do you do with it

what's left

interrogate the declaration 

there's no need for 

punctuation 

life has never fit so neatly

into any form

a constant micro

ebb and flow

even when the pieces of the whole 

cease

how many countless other pieces

oscillating forever

parkinsonian tremolo

echoing across years

amplitude and frequency

tinnitus or static from sources

elsewhere 

doesn't matter

the story is the same

only difference is

what perspective does

this distance from 

what came before

that was me

there, then

as is this, now

 

the 101

life is a minor chord of forgotten memories

on another highway

to where, i’m not sure

though the hills, green & rolling

and familiar in a passing way

these are not the same

heavy low, grey

ocean clouds

hanging about 

my head in these clouds

&

this endless stream

bodies hurtling through space

trapped in boxes

metal or otherwise

where are we going

vanishing point 

of some horizon

in a shrouded distance

is that even the horizon

where does earth end and sky begin

where do i end and you begin

white geometries 

embedded in organic memories

mysteries seen but never solved

unsure where this will all end

although

we all know

exactly

where this all ends

but that’s not for now

for now

is

another ribbon

black asphalt 

hope

&

hopefully 

at the end

a new memory

&

hopefully 

at the end

not forgotten

like so much else

maybe.

between here and there

peak summer swelter
and finally it returns
the rising before the sun and 
doing nothing else, can do nothing else
I write 
about you as always
except you always changes through
the years have left me 
advancing on some fronts and retreating on others
wondering where the border between
you & i; Us
and then, there's them
on the outside (or at least, the other side)
imagining only what they think
it must be true
a coward, heartless, cold
shoulders and backs turning
toward the end
but it didn't have to be this way

Overwhelming loss feeling your

Absent minded day to day and 

Never realizing the damage

We’re too old for this shit

Why can’t we find

That shared path is out there

In the gloom and shrouded from

Unseeing, unwanting eyes and hearts

You know the way as much as I 

Do you want it

Because my life is yours if

Just see my pain and 

We’re all a part of it in 

The other reels at our clumsy

Loving you is still easy

Naturally fitting together 

Funny how the frames almost

Nesting dolls of the persons

Who were we when we were

Together only a past tense 

I hope not,

But why

What impossible truth do I see in

Your heart so strong

But tender too are those nights

From memory and a peace 

Only possible in the warmth of 

Loving our nest 

No matter the storm outside 

Eventually we had to leave it

And lost ourselves and became ourselves

A part of the storm

Tossed and shaken

Reaching out for the other 

Furious or heartbroken 

The hand outstretched through the tumult

Offering safety and love and security

While the other tallies the wrongs

Balancing the ledger so that each time 

Holding only cost more

the ambiguity of breath

cast aside for fear
of moving into a future
i still have to write it
right this ship
it sways and rolls until

we're floating upside down

& the water rises to the floor

where is the bottom of 

this decade has been 

nothing but adrift

my self an amalgamated

island of dying kelp avoiding

being washed ashore and food for the 

scavengers

am I bottom feeding

what sustains these efforts 

knowing the truth is 

exactly as she screams

He died today

last year

how possibly has this been

am I really here?

I don't know how to 

honor him, honor them

how much more should

how much more can 

I do anything 

right or wrong

you just have to keep going

it'll be messy

it'll be beautiful

it'll be sadder than even imagined

but only if you keep trying

keep moving

and when finally you find 

whatever soft spot 

in the heart of things

and you finally

let the walls crumble

and deep breathing

sigh

finally in that space

you are infinite

and even in the deepest 

peaceful rest and safety

the spirit moves

always

walking home

waking before the alarm
still in the dark
but clarity
'remember this'
i dreamt of walking home

it was never a home 
i knew though where i was 
coming from some far off place before the 
lights turn on and reality

sit in this moment
and feel whatever it feels
don't
denial doesn't actually change 
you are whatever you 

such a tender feeling now
and I see you
smaller in the distant 
mirror reflecting the shimmering heat

the city recedes behind scrubby hills
rise and descending into that great
sandy plain 
an expanse of rock and dust
the occasional green hue holding 

faster and faster across this 
open the windows and feel the 
hot air amounting to 
best intentions are fucking nothing

what do all these dreams mean

you know exactly

it's not even avoiding 

the truth permeates the 

everything of living the last

one more time and 

finally the

we are at the mercy and 

the gratitude for 

a universe circling around countless others

and we 

the same a 

speck of

this sounds familiar and

there are no answers.

two days

the sadness of another
isolated grey morning dawning
realization that today is no
further down the road than 
yesterday i was one day younger
versions of myself never imagined
being where i am today; 

I really do love you

are probably better cutting ties

with the creature behind the keyboard

helps keep a distance between whatever

self-ish or self-less

it doesn't matter 

both see the world from a 

I can only imagine the tenuous

feeling shaky and when's the 

penny dropped for me

flashing on the screen

"I love you"

there was no fury

there was resolve

i am not going to let this end

all things do

as they, and we

and the trees and the sky 

and the birds in it

impermanent

it's just a matter of perspective

I have just that

it's not just imagining

I know exactly how it feels to hold a thing

together we 

holding on, battling on

hope against the hopeless

can you surrender to 

i dreamt the most horrible 

i'm so sorry

not for loving you 

will remain with me forever

arrives whether we want it to or not

i fear death as much as 

anyone still wanting

to lead a particular 

this life has not been bad

i've been lucky

I've known beauty.

and whatever is the absence

i've felt

it arises in me without warning and 

like a spooked animal

the instinct is to run

away from the dark feelings

won't go away

but, they don't need to

welcome them, accept them

remove their power stares directly

the sun in my  

eyes closed and seeing the

opaque reminder that within

still beating, this heart

through feast and fallow

storm and calm

an anxious ceasefire in the small hours

slip through, pass by and 

gone forever

I don't want to be another ghost

nor to know another

life will always be with me

as i hope you will be

in perfect balance we teeter on this 

crest of the western mountain 

views into an ocean of clouds

hard to tell the haze from the shimmer

sea holds me mute

a pebble within

and as distant as any other

sharing an origin

the pebble, I, and the ocean

a recognition of the truth

of any life 

even where there is no life

in those trees though

they fucking breathe and fill

my deepest emptiness with

something never quite put to words

miss the point

I'm trying to say 

in the deepest forest of my 

memories are lies, unintentional

avoid the details

remember how to feel

feel to know which point on the map 

drawn from memory and ignoring the side roads 

backtracking from the rim of this 

canyons are earth in relief

the memory of this planet's past

lives are the same

i have changed

the course you choose

to ignore or reckon with

the reality is that

this is what I believe

in yourself accept the 

worse in every way, I'm

not quite free falling

not too late to self-arrest before

the great yawning ocean of air

i'm sliding toward oblivion

out of control 

the more i wait

the less likely

dig in and do something

ring the bell and 

make the earth sing

a resonance that carries on

long after the friction is applied

this life echoes

put it up to your ear and 

you can hear your past

selves screaming your name

move man, time is running 

out the door and into tomorrow

you never know until 

you try.

little creature

how do you burn down

the forest explodes

a billion twinkly shadows

shades of green overlapping

and in the middle

the perfect most tiny

elegant little 

flowers bloom in the 

strangest places make you

feel more like yourself

has been searching the same

we just can't quite

find what

never existed except

if you can dream it

stops being real the moment

walking away

down that same path 

is never the same as 

time before 

you moved differently

the wind tasted of a

different seasons

reminding 

renewal is 

even the most fragile

little flower

has deep roots.

soon shall i

there's always more to come
sometimes the next minutes
turn into years and 
i'm 43 now
20 years ago and then some
windblown, rattle trap of
a condemned home 
is still a home
one that you want to 
leaving does't mean
sometimes that's just what comes 
next steps, there's no way round
the building built beneath 
these feet only work walking
forward is the only 
directionless a sea of kelp
floating cities of 
inidivual pieces fall away and 
washed on a shore
misunderstood and discarded
does the sea weap
salty tears covering so many
times our face next to
yours and mine pantomiming
some larger thing happening here
we're wrapped in a 
this is all so distracting
and time is running
are the words harder to form
to find a truth
who ever said there was one
what answer will satisfy
there is none.

i'm a big dumb

monsters under the bed 

haunting me since 

my memories 

of some things they

never faded

worn elbow patched

the wound is still there

now you go into the world

wearing a sort of armor

pierced hearts finding just

the smallest space between these 

ribs like the blinds fluttering

rattled by the atmosphere and 

shaken from some mid morning

the skies are still grey 

but with air so cool and sweet

you know there's light behind

we're all left by

someone will be there after

the fall is around the corner

turned toward which

ever love lasts

i really do still believe that

they can change the world

the words a window

representing some deeper 

understanding

longing, dying to live

and be loved

for exactly

yes, accept this 

for what I am, i am

healthy or sick the 

truth of 

is there anything left to

just say it

comes into this world and disappears into 

an ether of experience

unbothered, mute

to the immensity we

feel this thing

but the trees don't 

fucking child to be so

still caught in 

this loop of 

self-denial

hoping that 

you were born anything

other

I'm just sitting here

and watching 

the leaves sway and 

dancing in the wind

soon

shall i

be.

maybe if i keep writing

eventually the answers will
fall out from this one may
irradiate my heart 
once and for all I sink
into the art
to living a life
some of the folks down
here things have turned 
however they do, they did
going back isn't an option
on the future is always a gamble
with hearts, the house holds
the secret we all know
time runs out and you'll never
waiting is suffering;

every single day undistracted or unplanned

there is no plan

for which ending

or is it a beginning

you must understand that they

two pieces of the same 

get close enough and every circle

a straight line between then

now I lost my way

and a new light rising on a new 

line of sight vanishing 

in a pinpoint of clarity

clarifying only that there is nothing

solid in the core of anybody

but the earth made us

returning to it sooner than ever

hoping for a reprieve that never

mind the darkest bits and 

what shines in the distance never

dullest thud of wind

knocked from my sails and drifting

a languid surface hanging lifeless air

and under the sea you know

a world beyond imagining

is all we got to get 

past a point where letting go

seems possible if only

strength comes from the 

moments that you remember after 

everything still makes me 

it's a kind of happiness

like for someone else

that was you, is that possible

more than you ever dreamed

a domain of fear

the darkened eyelids hinting at 

an inner life twisted and 

i've never been good at tying knots

are they scars on those trees

mending in acquiescence to forces

you only see them in relief

a shadow of past 

the wind howled this way

so i bent down and let the shore

drifting down a river whose

terminus 

this isn't the end of of the line

maybe nothing more than a junction

one of so many little dots on this

could you chart your life

what story do you tell of 

is the articulation accurate and enough

to sustain you toward the next

the map point yet filled 

you've gone over the edge of the paper

it doesn't matter

the walls filled with memories

writing on any available surface

to catch the water as it pours out of the base

a sieve leaking and making a mess

better than bursting

you can't stick the balloon back together

it's best to ride the current higher and higher

hope is at best

we drift gently toward

some warm field, green and sweetly

humid rustling on a quiet save

the bees buzzing about

this business of 

biology won't be bettered

there's nothing to overcome

with me and we'll 

walking together for while

the sun sets eventually

to rise again

and whose hand then

are you holding?

it always matters

what am i supposed to do
nothing will happen unless

what if

maybe

could be

i’m not sure

signs are all around

not even signs, but glaring

directly, openly 

and yet, and yet

your tears well up, you balk

why is that

what truth are you seeking

what don’t you already know

maybe the unknowing is any future

course charted easy to see on this

heading in a different direction 

you’re choosing to fly into the cloud

which way is up, how close are the mountains

i had the worst dream last night

terror and pleading to please don’t

be responsible and accept 

that whatever happens next

on the page, you’re the one with the pen

ink to paper and suddenly

as if we’re all a little magic

idea becomes reality

it has been a hazy dreaming maybe 

half and half living

half measures eventually give way

through the valley the water must rush

gravity’s invisible hand, relentless and 

inescapable the ending of 

all stories like ours 

is the same as any before or yet

&yet &yet

there’s a light of hoping against

the deluge may be diverted

it doesn’t have to turn out 

the same essential life

forcing through the years

forging a path uncut

purposely going left when all else is right

in these lives

we are representative of 

the species has a knack for stacking the deck

against myself the odds aren’t

hope is greater than despair

nothing is ever that 

the world won’t end

until we end

and by then

it won’t matter.

all the same

i see my reflection
in the black mirror
tired, heavy eyes
aged by indecision
isn’t it really
inaction a warm 
blanket of this middle passage
from some book
or poem
to make it all just right
just keep writing;

a thousand monkeys

on a thousand typewriters

and eventually this comes out

my sides are split open

and pouring 

from every pore

breathing something within

into 

this world we 

find ourselves alone

most mornings before

the haze burns 

often a cool cloudy 

these are the warmest

nearest peace i know 

here is a complicated

only as much as you make it; 

fuck

i dance

and fidget

and anguishing minutes become hours

become months

and years later

how can the hurt be exactly

the experiences pouring in

the hurt pouring out

i need to purge

an immense clarifying

screaming

stop the clock

what has happened

a suspended animation 

product of constant rising and falling

an oscillation 

increasing frequency until 

pull back far enough and 

the parabola flattens

i am a hurt child

unequipped to share

unable to understand

the difference between

normal and not

knowing the difference between

war and peace

within

we never get to the point

there’s never, if you’re paying attention, 

inarticulate adolescent

the angst is better dressed

a parlor trick to distract

the forever truth knowing

our wounds 

won’t heal at the

hands of another 

no matter how warm

basking in the glow of the deepest

real love refuses 

ruled by the quantum ticktocking

of a knowing so deep

space and time 

irrelevant

when a thing is

it just is

bound by no clock

can also mean

bound by no expectations

can also mean

lasting a moment

or written about in a 

thousands of years from now

stardust will know

just as the child

what is

what is not

neither needing nor caring of

why

only seeks to sooth

understanding doesn’t change

is

or is not

doesn’t change 

the rising and falling

is happy

smile

is sad

cry

is both

life

stop trying to fix

how the past hurt

that child lives forever 

is gone and grown

into now 

soon to be gone forever

moving toward some 

carrying our shadows

weigh nothing more than stardust

and memories

and imagined pasts and futures

all the same

the immensity

what is this weight
what is this sour taste
why does the sun not warm me
why can't i shake this shadow
why is every experience muted
what am i doing
why i am here
how long can i delay
what hope is driving this?

tilting at the same old

leaves starved for water

hanging inert in the stolid heart of

the summer sun

forcing retreat 

or am i advancing 

toward some

truths about ourselves

defy explanations

the expectations of others

what did we do then

what does anyone when 

navigating the within and without

& hours hurtling through space

sharing the landscape 

crawling across the horizon 

we feel like flying

tiny creatures humbled 

the immensity

 

what we surround ourselves

with hope and love and honest

opens arms welcoming

the future arrived so quickly

the weight

of love we burrowed into

and digging in the enemy is 

behind our lines lies

a truth in each chest

of drawers we rummage for pieces

this puzzle we’re trying 

to make it always means 

something gnawing a distance

between within and without

knowing that rock and i

am of the same stuff

itself

it still hurts
so many times
each time i disappoint 
you don’t need to learn

there’s no 
right or wrong matters

so much less

peace seeks one thing, only
let it be

exactly as you are
exactly as i am

wearing my past 
hurts

it just hurts
i hurt

all i want 
to be.

 
accept this 
whole big stupid
temporary
fleeting
existence
as it 
is.

maybe i need to lead

by example 

i do have some

revelations come 

a hint of light

hazy in the distant dark

realizing your eyes are adjusting

given enough time

suddenly in the stillness

a great clanging alarm

there is never enough time

a universe moving within

a swirling forever of 

how to live one life

inside and out

panic arising and 

then we paste over and 

distraction acknowledges 

you are distracted from some thing

sometimes running in place and 

heart thumping

why don’t these legs work

(they do)

what then

where’s the fault in the

we each a system

an automaton hiding the millions 

of little selves 

fight for supremacy

a zero sum game

no matter which lasts 

longest

still isn’t forever

isn’t forever still(?)

have seen a better version

to push and pull in the same direction

no more Cheshire smiles

frown and cry and yell and laugh

each in turn

as they arise

and arms wide

accept it all.

stop aiming

anything other than itself 

is not itself.

some of me

some days they come

pouring out of me
in such a deluge that every
surface reflection turning
into an opportunity 
a need 

my words always more than

my life

at least

how should I live it
disjointed and shamblebodied?
do you remember that
was I ever that?

the words always only 

trying to lead this life

by turn i deny

every instinct

escapes but shrouded 

i’ve gotten good at

always have been

hide in plain sight

the words on the page

sometimes it doesn’t take too much

reading between the lines 

growing from some unknown 

originally the intention

what was it?

again?

the same as before?

a parable paraboling across

a million words

sampling of

some ideas

some thoughts

some feelings

some of me

I cannot say.

do they matter

do they do any good
are my words worth anything to
a heart breaking
a soul straining under
the inescable truth of the 
oxygen in and out 
of these bodies they
are real flesh and blood and
words are only flashing 
indicators of unseen 
worlds within the flesh
unable to manifest
the wiring crossed, or corroded, 
or energized with a current
is too weak or too strong
limping along or blowing the breakers
of so many waves arriving
you forget it’s of all the same
ocean of living
is only ever going to be immeditate
caught in a rip tide
the current unapologetic
the other creatures buoyed by
however they are built
for this moment
some require surrender
to survive.

i have failed

at so much
i wish i hadn’t
if i could go back
time travelers,

what would you change?

is the truth of now 

in that reflection

of the past

(it is.)

I wouldn’t change much

but each 

erasing today

an impossible dream

open your eyes and surrounded

the light of this day

arrives here only once

(some nights last for years)

what’s the truth

of the past

of those things 

regret

those things

could’ve happened, 

no.

other ways

are always possible

in your mind is a 

trap

logical fallacies 

stories told to oneself

only knows for sure

why are you sitting where you are

today;

is the only possible product of all those

moments

today is and no other

anything was possible

an infinity of alternatives

(i would have done)

 

what’s the difference?

is knowing the difference

those in looking behind

and which 

would you choose the same

a second time around 

we don’t exist except 

for now

i’m beginning to get

accepting how you’ve

(have you)

grown

into a person

closer to accepting

that failing 

some things take 

a lifetime is filled with so many

constantly iterating an existence

toward the same end 

as any other

regrets to share

only that I know

some choices

I would change

others, no

none, possible

today is

all there is.

interstitial

what capacity do I have
let it all run out
sand through the hands of a man
i'm dying of thirst
for some 
the pieces fit together
nothing has ever been easy
streets paved with golden
it's the sunsets of places
mesmerized 
each a character of 
be your own 
own your being
at peace
is war all there is to 
now, at the crossroads

here before me a familiar

how to fucking live this life

a wave of the deepest 

what if anguish and longing

for what might've been

too long, i live in this

twilight

moments most vivid

the interstitial consciousness of

it's all gotten too much, too complicated

matters of the heart

i am a fucking disaster

the exclusion zone

thousands of desolate acres

in the middle of the irradiated

forest grows on 

impervious to knowing

what harm hangs in the air

the only way to clear

everybody, get out

sides picked and 

waiting in this little clearing

the animals alight and 

then bounding on broken

limbs are strong until they

aren't we, can't we

struggle on forever

peace may be

illusions of lost chances

pangs of an imagined

future worlds crumbling

in nowhere but your own

mind the gap between now and then

before or after

only existing in your mind

what feels tragic

to me

is invisible to the earth

outside of 

you own 

your own

heart and mind and soul

but

acceptance and control 

do not align

as is 

repudiates

should be

denies it, 

absolutely.

so, where then

what then

is left

i am not right, nor

is anyone

everyone 

just is as is

they are

i am.

a single truth

is my folly

hoping to arrive at

something that will 

make it all make sense 

please

all i've ever wanted was answers

something to calm

something to soothe 

something to

help me understand

but, that's just

it's all too big

too close

you're zoomed in and missing the fuller

picture a future

where does it feel right

what's left in this life

in that imagined 

willing yourself to anywhere 

other than here 

in your mind

you can fly away

a butterfly fluttering by

in and out of the shadows on a 

late summer 

afternoon sun beaming 

and we retreat into the shadows

curled on cold stone

find the floor and holding on

until the next setting

of our sun.

flashes of life

are all I have really, 
these fleeting memory moments
in sum adding to a 
life lived not exactly
me, more
a reminder of a version
a character's story unwinding
roads meandering across miles
and years, decades of storylines
eventually converging to a single
spec of time
exists only
i can see it
a sweeping history
narrowing to the faintest, tiniest
a pinprick of light in the moment
exploding into an entropic 
future unknown
scope of this life
is yet incomplete
memories roll and rumble 
connected, one leading to the next
doesn't convey an order
understood by anyone
outside of this body
tells the story:

organic washed out tones and soft shag
see under the table and straining to reach
some salvation as the 
disastrous cacophony
wall shaking
pleading to please 
stop; 

I'm flying
unbound by gravity and incoming
faith leapt toward

salvation cold to the touch and 

covered in coal dust

of memory unsure

which came before; 

that wall

integrated in my mind

a map of previous

wild running

I am hurt, but

i do not hurt

protected by providence

the sky opened and 

sustaining life, but oil slicked

roads and drink and speed

and careening for exactly 

me, but 

I remember how the body

crumbled and 

fractured fiberglass and

shattered glass

and bent metal, 

my body whole and bounding down

to wherever was next; 

so many ghosts

that brick shell standing

we crawl inside

exploring the damp

lives brought into and out of 

this physical world it fought

physics,

the immutable laws

of life in that neighborhood

held us all in the same contempt

just under the surface

realizing which

side of the tracks are you 

standing now

2500 miles away; 

I went at some point

up the mountain

freedom of a sort

air tasting different

kind of alone

surrounded by something

unknown until feeling undeniable

I felt at home;

left behind

up a ribbon of asphalt curving 

my circulatory system alive in those 

green hills rolling less

into the built world

at first all the pieces into place just

so, I was set

in theory only works

becoming second nature to 

is quitting a necessary step to every

there was one;

there was no quitting

some things last

thought i have each 

dreaming of a time and place

and those faces

never downcast in 

memories live forever

eventually happens that

we keep growing

older in some ways and 

younger selves imagining a future

filled with what 

i wonder how near or far

today is from yesterday’s

tomorrow;