oh, fortune

     From where do these words

arise.

some slumbers
  are forever

But, we've still time
  And breathe
     And beating hearts
       And fortune; sides with

Us.

to love

and, be loved
is all I’ve ever really felt
important in this world
impermanent and fleeting as we are
this may be the greatness
of which i am
capable

ode to joy

a surging and
undeniable
filling with joy
in your presence
seeing you
are beautiful
and I
am still in love
endures
and
my heart
is alight

3,384 days

a name and
feeling born in the depth
of that winter before we
met

and here I am, still
awake in the dark
the sun soon to rise
and writing and thinking
of you

in silence
drinking my coffee and listening
to the tap tapping of these keys
and the seconds
ticking by
reminding me

of what I'm unsure
if it were a choice
it would be untrue
it is no choice
it just is
I love you
still wrestling with being
ok

I am, I think.
it's life led and not dwelling on the things
that; the thing that
(this distance)
I cannot control
just as I love
it just is
and we live with it
and the clock ticks
unknowing, oblivious
but reminding
there's still life to be lived
and indeed the world is alive
and
awake before the sun
as am I.

no matter what else

I do
going far or near
in silence or wind roaring
down the road
I return
to you

I hope to share the world.

With you.

Live in my heart
a wellspring fed by unknowable source
so deep it runs in the longest drought
it overruns too
(and that's hard to handle, I know)

damnit; I miss you so much.

just needing to say it
because I can't say it
because if giving in to the instinct
to hold on so tight
I may suffocate
the hope of
a future still
unwritten

it's screaming in me
the moment I fall
and rise the next
there you are

I am in love.

absolutely.

irreconcilably.

have been.

for now 9

years.

lean into it

Entering a new phase

unlike the last time

In my youth, when

passing from loss to acceptance

to

I’m better off

Because this isn’t that.

This is enduring-

And here 

I lean in

To the truth

Of my love

For you.

And believing, yes, still

as weary as any my age

Not cynical

But knowing

I believe

in the power

of truth

& of love

& that each

Are worth defending.

And if they were false

as any falsity, would become

Exposed

and fade in the light of

Truth

But this doesn’t fade.

I am alive in this truth.

& I lean into the

eyes closed

feeling and seeing through lids held tight

It is so bright.

Even as cold air and snow crunches under foot

Even as tulips break through the surface

Sacrificing themselves to the deep freeze-

They tell us:

It’s only for a while

We will bloom

As the warmth

Wins out

it's different

with you, 

even if some of the words aren't

enough to draw a feeling

transcendent; words fail

(mine do)

the immensity of this

(we have)

a wellspring deeper than

deep

description fails

it's a thing felt;

lived

&knowing

that love is universal; that we are

capable of

this universe of knowing

the other unlike any

other

but, this thing

to knowthe other

as one knows the self

and to love that selfsame other

is more than words

is every metaphor

is the grandeur and terror and risk

of existing

2/19/19 5.09a

I woke up and

Everything was wrong

Living in some empty

Nightmare world

Where I have everything

And nothing

we are

in this place
where all the conversations
needing to communicate
and I'm out here
floating in space
between us isn't so very
big as it seems

a change to be made
just as choices, we make
our future
doesn't have to go just one way

You may never read this.

cold sunlight of the morning

The first and 

last thought

of every day is of you;

Last words, what - understanding did we reach

in the foyer

Does this mean

the end is actually here

& I’m just not

Seeing or feeling or being

(in the same place); @ an end

must it be?

It’s overwhelming; these

Feelings, I can’t change

Having the wisdom to know

One from the other;

Patience a virtue, but not one

of mine, at least,

I know what I can and can’t

Control, an issue

The problem.

I can’t change nor

control how I

Ache in your absence.